My Husband is Not Enough

My husband is not enough for me. He is not loving enough, kind enough, forgiving enough, selfless enough, or thoughtful enough to keep me happy. Jonathan does NOT complete me.

Growing up in this society, a girl is brainwashed with certain expectations for a man. It all starts with that perfect Prince Charming she sees in the movies. She wants someone to ride in on the white horse, rescue her from the evil stepmother, save her from a life of pain, despair, and brokenness. She wants that Jerry Maguire who will complete her. This desire in her heart does not happen upon her by mistake or by society's doing. The fairy tales do not place that longing there, but do attempt to show her what would fulfill it. And so she searches for him. That perfect man. "The One."

When she does this, she may fall for someone who at first appears as if he might be just the right fit. She may even marry under the false impression that she has found The One. Then, inevitably, he will wrong her. He may forget their anniversary, stop telling her she's beautiful, or forget to show her affection. They may argue, he may try harder and impress her again. But, eventually, he will fail again. He always does. They may even both change, or grow apart if you will. She will become angry, bitter, resentful, unforgiving, and even begin to wonder if she made a mistake. "I thought he was the one. He used to pursue me. He used to give up everything for me. Maybe I married him too soon. Maybe I was too young. Maybe there's someone better. There has to be someone better."

Or maybe some will make the mistake I have found myself falling into. You see, I understood that no man would be perfect. I understood that my husband had flaws. But sometimes before I even realize what is happening, I find myself trying to improve him, tweak him, and even [gasp] change him. Recently, I found myself wanting Jonathan to be more of an initiator or planner. I wanted him to schedule a surprise date night or plan a family outing. And I did not want to tell him that I wanted these things. I wanted him to want to do it on his own. Sound familiar, ladies? But Jonathan has never been one to do those things. It is just not how his mind works, and I've always known that. I've always accepted that about him. So when I suddenly became angry at him for not being what I wanted, he was left confused and I was left unsatisfied. Needless to say, a minor marital battle ensued.

When that happens, as I'm sure it will again, I have to go back to The Perfect One. I have to remember the Truth. When I feel that desire, longing, aching, and even disappointment creeping up in my heart, it takes a work of the Spirit to remind me that I'm looking to the wrong man. I'm looking to an imperfect man to fully satisfy me. It won't happen. It's not possible for him to do that and it is not fair of me to expect that of him. 

Jesus is the only One that has given up everything for us, ladies. He's the only One that loves us with a perfect love, knew all of our deepest, darkest secrets, and forgave us while we rejected Him. When that feeling of emptiness begins to surface again, we must remember that God put that need in our hearts and only God can perfectly fulfill it. Only when we are fully satisfied in Him will we experience true joy and completion.

*This post written with the knowledge and approval of the amazing, wonderful, intelligent, thoughtful, generous, caring, loving (albeit imperfect) Jonathan Staley.