As a family, we got up early to head to the mall for annual photos. While there, we took some time to enjoy being out of the house together. We walked around, had smoothies, looked at books, and bought this year's Christmas ornaments for each of us. We carefully selected "just right" ornaments; one for Isaac's first Christmas, one for our last Christmas in our Missouri home together, and Malachi chose a soccer player ornament as that was his favorite sport to play this year. Malachi's and Isaac's ornaments were from the cute little kiosk in the mall with the nice girl that carefully pens names on each one. The ornaments aren't overly pricey, but they're definitely not cheap.
By the time we got home, we were all beat. We hung up the ornaments and put away other goodies. Isaac went down for a nap, Malachi and I laid in my bed to rest, and Jonathan played some video games. After a half hour, Malachi was ready to get up. We gave him a little extra "technology time" today so that we could all relax. Awhile later, Isaac and I both got up and the family started coming together in the living room. When I walked into the kitchen to get a drink, I noticed Malachi's ornament sitting on the kitchen counter--broken.
"Malachi, what happened to your ornament?" I asked. He responded, "Oh, it accidentally broke."
"It accidentally broke? How did that happen?"
"It fell and broke."
"HOW did it fall and break?"
"I might have bumped it and it might have fallen."
"Malachi, were you playing with the ornament?"
"I just kinda swung it on the branch and it fell."
I paused for a few minutes. "That's really disappointing," I said. I went on, "We just bought it today, it cost a bit of money, and it's already broken."
"You can just superglue it."
"That's not the point! We bought this for you, you broke it, and didn't even tell us."
"Sorry," he said. But he said it in that tone. You know the one; the one that says, "I don't know what you want me to do about it. I don't see the big deal, so I'm going to just shrug and apologize to try to appease you."
At that, Malachi was sent to his bedroom by his dad and told that he needed to think about the situation and how to speak to his mother more respectfully. A few minutes later, Malachi came out ready to apologize for being disrespectful. Jonathan asked if he had thought about anything else that he needed to talk about. Malachi said he did not. Jonathan walked Malachi back into his room to have a talk. I listened from the other room as Jonathan pointed out to Malachi that he didn't seem to care about respecting his parents, his things, or gifts from us.
After a few minutes I asked Jonathan if I could chime in. "Malachi, here's what I think happened. I'm thinking that you played with the ornament and broke it. Then you probably kind of freaked out a little. Maybe your heart skipped a beat and your stomach turned. Am I close?"
Malachi responded, "You're right there, actually. I worried, 'What will Mom and Dad say about this?'"
I went on, "And so you decided to downplay the situation. You tried to casually set it on the counter and not make a big deal of it thinking that if you brushed it off, maybe Mom and Dad would, too."
"Yes," he said.
I explained to him that though we are disappointed about the ornament, and would have been regardless, we would not have been near as upset with him had he just taken responsibility, accepted the seriousness of it, confessed it to us, and apologized. We would have seen that he understood the consequences of his actions and would not have done the same thing again. But instead he tried to behave as though what had happened was not a big deal and so disrespected us. Further, if he does not understand that what he did was a big deal, he is more likely to repeat the behavior.
I realized that I can do the same thing with my sin. I may downplay it, or worse, compare it to another's sin. I may shrug it off and behave as though it wasn't that big of a deal. I can forget about it, never confess it, and never repent of it. The problem with this is that sin is a big deal. A very big deal. Anything short of perfection is unacceptable to the Father. When we do not see how dark and awful our sin is to a Holy God, it belittles His goodness and grace and will put distance between us and our Father. We must be willing to see ourselves and our sin through His eyes to be able to understand why we so desperately need a Savior. Understanding the seriousness of our sin allows us to see how great His love and grace really are. He loves us, lived the life and paid the price that we could not, and lives today so that we can be free of our sin and display His glory.
Practically speaking, when I'm still enough to hear God speak to me through these situations, I am able to approach my children with more patience, forgiveness, and understanding--just as the Father accepts me. You see, all relationships can teach us about the Gospel. Everything, in fact, is a Gospel matter. That is, after all, the whole purpose of this life.
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