Seeking Satisfaction

"But I still haven't found what I'm looking for." -U2

"Be grateful for what you have." "Quit wanting more. It won't make you happy." "Look around at all of the good things you have." "You begged us for this toy and now you don't even play with it." These are phrases that Jonathan and I feel like we've been saying to Malachi a lot lately. If you've read any of my posts in the past, you may remember one called If Momma Ain't Happy. On that post, I talked about how our sin struggles as parents are often reflected in our children. This post is just more of the same.

When Jonathan and I got married, I was thrilled to know that his career would move our family every few years. I had wanted to move away for several years, but never had the opportunity. Something else was always more important. I love the prospect of seeing new locations, meeting new people, and experiencing things we wouldn't otherwise have the chance to experience.

Our first move was to Evansville, Indiana. Three hours from my hometown, it felt just right. We were in a new place and meeting new people, to be sure, but I was able to travel home whenever I felt the need. There was an adjustment period; a time of trying to figure out how we fit in at our church and in the town in general. But it wasn't long before Evansville felt like home to us.

However, we always knew that our time there was not meant to be permanent. After we had been living in Evansville for almost exactly one year, we received word that we were to be transferred to New York where Jonathan would work on the new Tappan Zee Bridge. Anxiety, happiness, excitement, fear, sadness were all of the emotions that we felt during and immediately after our move.

We've been living in New York for four months now. Like Evansville, we know that our time here is not permanent. We expect to be here for two to three years. And I'm not going to lie. It's been difficult. For the first time in our lives, we can't just travel home (Denver, St. Louis, Evansville) whenever we want. The distance won't allow it. There are so many people, yet it is difficult to find a good friend. The cost of living is very high. For all of these reasons and more, it can be difficult to remember to value the experience of being here. There is so much to experience in this area of the country and we have lots of plans. We try to remind ourselves to get as much as we can out of our time in New York, but our appreciation gets clouded by our discontentment. I find myself daydreaming of what-ifs more often than I'd like to admit.

Discontentment, anxiety, and worry can be symptoms of a lack of faith in God's goodness. Not only do we believe that God places us where we are for His purposes, but God actually has given us everything we've ever wanted in placing us here. While we have no idea what the next five to ten years will look like for us, one thing is certain: God is still on the throne. I want my children to see that Jesus is enough for me. I want to be a witness of the goodness of God to my family. I want my joy and contentment to display my faith in the sovereignty of the Creator. I want my children to learn to be content through my actions, not my lecturing. That's my prayer right now.

If Momma Ain't Happy...

You've heard the saying, "If Momma ain't happy, ain't no one happy." I believe that this phrase is so true. But I think it goes beyond that. I think, at least for our family, it is deeper than that. Recently, I have noticed that, like happiness, sin is also contagious within a family. Biblically, we understand that the Husband/Dad is the spiritual leader of the home. Additionally, I believe that the Wife/Mother is responsible for the general mood or emotional tone of the household, thus the well-known phrase above. Proverbs 25:24 says that it would be more comfortable to live in a corner or on a roof than in a house with a quarrelsome wife. When Dad struggles spiritually (not loving and leading the way Christ loved the church), there will be spiritual struggles within the family. When Mom has a poor attitude, there will be a general poor attitude in the home. Does this mean that each family member is not responsible for his or her own spiritual walk or attitude? Absolutely not. But when the family leaders are not leading well, the entire family will struggle. The irony is that I often come to this realization after we have been continually seeing Malachi be disobedient in a particular area. His disobedience becomes a pattern and we can see the heart issue behind the sin. Then sure enough, we can reflect and see that we too have been living with the same sin.

In the Staley home, I started to really notice this pattern a few months back. Malachi was found to be getting angry so quickly and easily. Then, Jonathan and I figured out that we were struggling with controlling our anger. Jonathan, being the spiritual leader that he is, wrote scripture (James 1:19-20) on a dry erase board for our family to study and meditate on. We also prayed together and independently, asking Jesus to help us to be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger. By the Spirit's work in our family, there has been a noticeable decrease of anger in the home.

More recently, the struggle has been with discontentment. I posted on Facebook about a general attitude of entitlement in our home. Again, we sought the Lord in the matter. We were reminded that every good and perfect thing comes from God and that He is faithful to provide for our needs. If we having nothing else in this life, but have Jesus, we are blessed. Though we have not conquered discontentment by any means, we can see that the Lord is doing work in us.

Over the past month leading up to the present, our most frequent problem with Malachi has been lack of motivation, laziness, and a poor attitude toward work. "Work harder, Malachi," we tell him. "Depend on Jesus to help you through," we lecture. "Work unto the Lord," we demand. After a recent argument between Jonathan and me, Jonathan had determined that, once again, he and I were struggling with the same sin as Malachi. We were working to get approval from the other, and when that didn't happen the claws came out. He went to God, then came to me in repentance, pointing out the sin and how he was going to do things differently. But not me. No, I was still mad at him, and I wanted to stay mad at him. I knew in my heart he was right, but I was choosing to ignore the conviction.

Yesterday, I told Jonathan I that I'm frustrated with the feeling of never completing work in the home as the laundry, dishes, and cleaning are never-ending tasks. Then I feel incompetent, bored, and unmotivated.This morning, I looked around my home and my first thought was, "I really don't want to deal with this today." What has changed for the super motivated Stay-At-Home-Mom that was in my home a few months ago? The workload hasn't changed. The requirements of the job haven't changed. My family needs and my environment haven't changed. My heart has given way to sin. And, as it turns out, I can see that this sin started creeping up in my heart awhile ago. I've been working to please Jonathan. I've been working to serve Malachi and Isaac. Though these things are okay, they will never satisfy. Jonathan will never give me the "Thanks" that I feel I deserve in the way I desire because Jonathan is not perfect. My children will never be as grateful as I would like because they too are imperfect and selfish. I really need to take to heart the Bible's teaching (and the recent encouragement of a dear friend) to work as to the Lord, not to man. So I went to the Lord in prayer. I meditated on the Word. This is not by my power or personal motivation, but the Spirit's work in me. And guess what! It is noon and the house is clean, Isaac is content, and I had time to write this blog post! I now have some time to rest and play with Isaac before picking Malachi up from school, after which time I plan to update our birthday and Christmas gift budget. Even better, if I do not get something done or done perfectly, I can have peace knowing that I served the Lord as well as I could and that He is my perfection. I will also seek forgiveness from God and from my family for putting them before the Lord and ask them to hold me accountable in the matter.

If you find your children or your spouse struggling with a sin, and you find yourself lecturing, nagging, getting angry, or disciplining against the sin, I would encourage you to reflect on your own heart. Ask the Holy Spirit to convict you of any sin in your own life that may be trickling out of your heart and into your home.