Seeking Satisfaction

"But I still haven't found what I'm looking for." -U2

"Be grateful for what you have." "Quit wanting more. It won't make you happy." "Look around at all of the good things you have." "You begged us for this toy and now you don't even play with it." These are phrases that Jonathan and I feel like we've been saying to Malachi a lot lately. If you've read any of my posts in the past, you may remember one called If Momma Ain't Happy. On that post, I talked about how our sin struggles as parents are often reflected in our children. This post is just more of the same.

When Jonathan and I got married, I was thrilled to know that his career would move our family every few years. I had wanted to move away for several years, but never had the opportunity. Something else was always more important. I love the prospect of seeing new locations, meeting new people, and experiencing things we wouldn't otherwise have the chance to experience.

Our first move was to Evansville, Indiana. Three hours from my hometown, it felt just right. We were in a new place and meeting new people, to be sure, but I was able to travel home whenever I felt the need. There was an adjustment period; a time of trying to figure out how we fit in at our church and in the town in general. But it wasn't long before Evansville felt like home to us.

However, we always knew that our time there was not meant to be permanent. After we had been living in Evansville for almost exactly one year, we received word that we were to be transferred to New York where Jonathan would work on the new Tappan Zee Bridge. Anxiety, happiness, excitement, fear, sadness were all of the emotions that we felt during and immediately after our move.

We've been living in New York for four months now. Like Evansville, we know that our time here is not permanent. We expect to be here for two to three years. And I'm not going to lie. It's been difficult. For the first time in our lives, we can't just travel home (Denver, St. Louis, Evansville) whenever we want. The distance won't allow it. There are so many people, yet it is difficult to find a good friend. The cost of living is very high. For all of these reasons and more, it can be difficult to remember to value the experience of being here. There is so much to experience in this area of the country and we have lots of plans. We try to remind ourselves to get as much as we can out of our time in New York, but our appreciation gets clouded by our discontentment. I find myself daydreaming of what-ifs more often than I'd like to admit.

Discontentment, anxiety, and worry can be symptoms of a lack of faith in God's goodness. Not only do we believe that God places us where we are for His purposes, but God actually has given us everything we've ever wanted in placing us here. While we have no idea what the next five to ten years will look like for us, one thing is certain: God is still on the throne. I want my children to see that Jesus is enough for me. I want to be a witness of the goodness of God to my family. I want my joy and contentment to display my faith in the sovereignty of the Creator. I want my children to learn to be content through my actions, not my lecturing. That's my prayer right now.